It's been about 2 years since I fell deep into the Neoplatonistic realm of Western Esotericism. The ember of this though had been burning for a while. I was raised Catholic, came to age in the new millennium in an Evangelical church, and spent the most of my 20s and 30s undecidedly agnostic. Religion or lack of it was core to my being. When the pandemic caused us to either look externally into a world of disease and fear or internal into a world of doubt and loneliness I turned inwards.

First was the research. Damian Echols, Duncan Trussel, Stephen Hoeller, were some of the authors I read and listened to. Filled with enthusiastic woo, I tested their theories with pseudo scientific rigor. I followed the ala carte method of spiritual development, even though I tried to align generally with the now defunct Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. After a year and a half of solid practice, I emerged emotionally stronger. To this day I still follow and gain wisdom from my understanding of Qaballah and Tarot.

One day, in a therapist session I had realized that I was using spiritualism as a point of pride. I was putting inn the work and meditating/praying every day - so of course everyone else I encountered was less spiritually evolved than me. And so I dropped most of it, gone were the daily rituals of the pentagram and middle pillar. I kept what worked: Holler's path up the tree as an introspective tool, tarot reading as a boon to friend's emotional health, and my esoteric study as the basis for scholarship. Rather than lose your soul, the oft mentioned advice from Christopher Lee about occultism; I think I found mine.